7
Jul
2008
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A Timeless Place Ch. 13
Jonathan stared out over the balcony railing into the garden below. His heart ached horrendously over the loss of his best friend. In his mind he conjured memories of the past years with Peter that only proved to make his pain even colder and harder to bear.
It seemed the vast darkness that surrounded him would quickly swallow him up. He felt caught in a vacuum of utter solitude and aloneness so isolated now as if no one could ever understand the pain and hurt he felt. And his mind kept going back to that night at the hospital the words the man had spoken riveted through his being like glaciers sliding frigid and heavily over ridges of icy walls.
Without warning it effused from his being. He gripped the railing tight leaning forward as he began to wail. Pain issued from his being with gut wrenching sounds that permeated the night cutting through the silence like so many double-edged swords. It seemed to hang in the air surrounding him unrelenting and heavy tormented where the cries he made. His body shook violently sweat beaded over his brow and upper lip. Tightly his fingers gripped the railing that caused the knuckles to blanch.
All he knew was the pain he felt and that he was utterly consumed with it. Soon it became all he could do to stand there as his legs becoming weak and slowly went to his knees then finally sat on the cold concrete floor of the balcony. Grasping the vertical bars of the structure he leaned his cheek against one of them weeping soundly for a long time.
Peter looked both ways at the airport before crossing the street and disappearing inside among the throngs of people there coming and going some waiting for flights or family coming in from some other origination. His eyes constantly roamed the area around him in search for any suspicious characters standing around someone he might have known from his organization or some other that might have been sent to retrieve him.
But so far he had seen no one as he ducked into the men s room to put on a disguise. Closing the door of a stall that he rushed into he set up his little lab from the suitcase he was carrying. For a moment he thought about Tony one of the masters of disguise a very talented man when it came to changing his looks. He had even fooled Maurice when that scoundrel had been arrested in Russia.
His challenge would be to hide his hair it had always been the greatest problem to camouflage. Concealing it would mean either cutting the length or affixing it some way on his head and wear a wig. Dying it now would take much too long he thought to himself as he looked into his small round portable mirror. And Jonathan would be highly upset if I cut my hair at all.
Still he emerged from the men s room approximately fifteen minutes later when he heard the final boarding call for his flight. He was now wearing wire-framed glasses a thin mustache and goatee. His hair was shoulder length and dark brown that was tied back in a short ponytail. The suit he wore made him appear to be a businessman about to board a flight for some meeting with associates.
His gate was purposeful determined appearing to be someone of some importance. Possibly a CEO of some 500-club business that was sending him on a very crucial trip. It was well known among Peter s peers that he detested having attention focussed on him so when a few of the terminal employees converged upon him suddenly to assist him those that had thought it might be him turned away looking else where.
Stepping onto the plane he quickly found his seat after storing his carry-on luggage. He buckled himself in then waited for the craft to take off which was only five minutes later. As it did he looked down through the small porthole window to silently say his good-byes to the ones he loved so dear.
Later that evening Jonathan stood in the adjacent bathroom of what once was his uncle s bedroom staring at the mirror. What he saw looking back at him seemed to him to be the ugliest sight he had ever seen. He hated himself purely through and through there was no denying that fact. It was as if all of the love he had once found inside for himself he had completely lost somewhere between the hospital and the mansion. Isolating himself in his uncle s room and office he refused to see anyone or talk to anybody. He hadn t eaten a bite since he had been home everything that was brought to him left untouched.
Bruce Tony and Greg had decided to give Jonathan his space to grieve and work this out for himself. Yet they were becoming quite worried after several days had gone by that they had not seen him come out of that room. The only way they knew he was still alive was that the maid would make the effort to physically see Jonathan and converse with him each time she took his meal to him and each day she went in to clean the office bedroom and bathroom.
The three of them sat at dinner talking about the situation at hand when she returned from Jonathan s room with yet another untouched tray of food.
Did he eat anything? Bruce asked holding his breath afterwards while he waited for her answer.
No sir. And I tried to get him to come out of the bathroom but he wouldn t. His voice didn t sound normal sir. I m really worried about him now. She had set the tray on the buffet table to talk to Bruce her voice fluctuations spoke loudly of her concerns.
Tony was on his feet knowing what was happening now by what she was describing. Much of what she hadn t said was his greatest concern.
Tony where re ya goin ? Bruce asked pushing from the table as he did.
I don t have time to explain Bruce he stated hurriedly as he rushed to the huge double doors of the dining room. But you re welcome to join me I might need your help with Peter not here to coax Jonathan out of the bathroom. Not wasting another minute he shoved the heavy door open and disappeared.
Bruce and Greg looked at each other silently for a second both of them having the same thought at the same time. They stood together and headed for the door in a rush.
Jonathan s hands trembled as he drew long and hard on the cigarette he had lit. Putting it in the ashtray he took the butt of it turning the cig to rid it of excess ash. When he was satisfied he placed the now pointed cherry of his smoke on the small rounded ridge of the disposable shaver. No longer allowed to have the regular razors he had quickly learned how to gain access to the tiny sharp edge inside the plastic casing of the shavers. There were two places that he would have to melt through to get the metal edge out of the casing. After melting the first ridge he pulled the edge up until it popped lose. Then he proceeded to melt the other small ridge that was the only thing now holding the assembly together.
All of this took less than a minute to do and he quickly had the tiny metal razor in his fingers tossing the plastic handle and casing into the small receptacle nearby. Sitting on the edge of the toilet seat he held his arm over the counter and sink laying the sharp edge to the flesh of the outer edge of his wrist where he bore down with a vengeance.
Jonathan…
The sound of his name being called so close to his ear startled him causing him to drop the tiny razor that slid down the sink into the drain.
No! He stood leaning over the sink to reach for the drain his finger disappeared into it attempting to retrieve his weapon of choice.
Jonathan…
Now he stood straight feeling the rush of warm air wash over his ear as his name was called again. Turning he found himself face to face with his uncle again.
Uncle Jim? he felt his breath caught in his throat and could hear his excited heartbeat thrum in his own ears.
You don t need to do that. What would Peter think of you if he could see you now? The man s voice was so clear frighteningly clear for Jon s comfort. Mr. Bowman s expression was full of obvious disappointment. The affect of it caused Jon s heart to sink lower than it had been.
Baby answer me. What would Peter think of you if he could see what you are doing to yourself? the man reiterated his question clearly.
I don t want to live without him Jon s voice quivered as the tears came again. He had thought he had cried all there was left in him to cry but now he knew differently.
Baby he s not a dead man that you will join on the other side. In fact he is very much alive and doing what must be done for your protection as well as the same for your friends Bruce Greg and Tony. If you do this when he returns he will be hurt so deeply. You know that. So why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Answer me now. The last Mr. Bowman spoke firmly as in a demand.
Jonathan trembled knowing that tone of voice all too well. What would follow if he didn t comply would be painful and frightening. At least that is how it was when Mr. Bowman was alive.
I am not going to hurt you ever again Jonathan! The man s voice boomed filling the room hanging there like dead weight. You still have not answered me! He used the same tone again firm imposing threatening as he stepped closer to Jon who leaned back bending over the counter and sink. Unconsciously Jon felt the fear of God invading his being as he snatched air and shook violently. But still he did not answer.
Clinching a fist the man brought it up slamming it down onto the marble countertop. Jim s wrath was always explosive when he allowed it to escape his control. I told you to answer me Jon! He roared at him in apparent anger.
I don t know! Jon yelled back courageously. I don t know why! All I know is it hurts so bad inside that I have to find an outlet for it!
Then find a new one Jon Mr. Bowman s voice was so calm and serene it was scary. Find something less damaging and more positive to release that pain. Workout with Tony and Bruce take a walk in the garden paint draw write a book about your life but stop hurting yourself and trying to kill yourself. Your time hasn t come yet boy. You have decades ahead of you to accomplish so much. Take what I ve given you – what is yours to use for good – and do something constructive with it.
Uncle Jim Jon moved toward him embracing the man fully resting his head on Jim s shoulder. Stay with me tonight. I really miss you so much.
Silently the man pulled Jon closer to his body and planted a light kiss on the top of the young man s head. It lingered there for a long moment before it ended then he rested his cheek there. When will you finally become angry Jon? When will you hate me for what I ve done to you? Jim almost whispered to him. You have to stop this boy. You have to let me go. You have to realize that you are so much better than the way I treated you and the things I did to you. You deserve none of it. In fact you deserve so much better. You deserve the love and care that Tony wants to give you that Bruce is trying so hard to show you and Greg longs for you to know let alone all the pampering Peter has given you. You are better than I am always have been and always will be. I m the one that never deserved you your love allegiance or care Jon he paused momentarily. Are you listening to me? He asked as he started to pull away but Jon latched onto him refusing to be moved.
Yes sir. I m listening. Jonathan returned softly.
Then let me go Jon. Go on with your life and forget me. Let me die. Let me go. I m not worth your time or the energy to keep me alive in your heart or soul. I don t even deserve to be thought of again by you.
Be happy Jonathan. That s what I want for you to be happy. And I believe you have the makings for that right there in the room with you. Embrace them and love them with your whole heart they will give you all that you need.
But forget me. And do not for god s sake be like me. Don t even give that a thought boy. I forbid it. You will be so unhappy so consistently bitter. It will destroy you – and that – I would become very displeased about. Don t make me come back and punish you for doing this. I will Jonathan! I mean it! You just take what I give you now and make a new life for yourself. You deserve that my love. You actually deserve more but I can only give you what I have. So take it and go on with your life. Be a good boy and make yourself happy.
Jon wept recalling those were the very words Mr. Bowman had said on the tape they viewed in the lawyer s office not long ago. I don t want to let you go Uncle Jim. I want you here with me now – Always – it can be different than before. I know it can he looked up into his uncle s face which was contorted with pain and frustration.
No Jon that time is past now. I am gone. I can not undo what has been done.
But you don t have to…
Jonathan! Mr. Bowman cut him off suddenly gripped Jon s upper arms strongly and shook him vehemently. Stop it! Listen to me! I – am – dead! Do you get that? I – am – dead! But you are alive boy! And everyday you are you become more and more like me! I can t have that! I will not have it! I told you I would come back to punish you if you even thought about it and I meant it boy! Why do you think Peter is gone now? Why? Huh? Why Jon? The most valuable treasure of your heart is gone now. Why Jon?
Jonathan detached from Mr. Bowman stepping slowly back from him. His heart sank into the very pits of his belly feeling as if someone had reached into him only to rip it from his body. Tears formed in his eyes spilling out onto his face.
Jim knew this would affect Jon s emotions and his opinion of him even though he knew he had nothing to do with Peter leaving he used it to force Jonathan to the emotions he needed to feel. Yes Jon. Hate me. Be angry with me. You need to become angry boy. Hate me. Let it fill your being so you can heal and let me go the man was urgent as he spoke.
You re lying Uncle Jim. I refuse to believe you Jon stubbornly quelled his emotions then.
Am I? Then what other reason can you come up with brat? Tell me because I would love to hear them Jim folded his arms over his chest grinning at Jon wickedly.
You only just said a few minutes ago that he left for my protection Uncle Jim Jon protested boldly.
Yes so maybe I lied then the man s smile broadened.
Jonathan giggled.
You think this is funny Jon? You re pushing your friends away. You need them now more than ever boy. But you ve shut yourself off from them. When is the last time you had a roll with Tony or Bruce?
Jonathan s smile slowly faded.
Well? Mr. Bowman s smile didn t falter.
In the motel. Bruce has been longer.
Mm Hm… Jim dropped his arms shifting a little. And you expect me to stay and take what should be given to them.
Now Jonathan looked confused.
Oh don t get me wrong Jon. I would love nothing more but you re neglecting them. Right is right wrong is wrong and in this case right would be for me to say no . Not until you start acting like you should. If you can t put out to the ones you love then you won t put out for me. Not anymore.
Huh? Jonathan rattled his head in complete confusion and shock.
You heard me Jon. Now turn around. Jim motioned with his hand as he said the last.
Why?
Just do it boy. Turn – your – ass – around.
And old familiar apprehension came over Jonathan as he complied but slowly. He gasped as he felt the man behind him brush against him.
That feels good Jon? I think you ve forgotten how it feels haven t you? Jim whispered into his ear.
Maybe – a little Jonathan returned softly snatching air again as he felt his hair being moved and soft kisses applied to his neck. He turned his head away to give the man more room. When he did he felt nothing more. Waiting a moment or two he became a little confused.
Jonathan! Get yer ass out here! Now! I won t call you again boy! I ll break this damn door down!
Startled Jonathan jumped hearing Tony banging on the bathroom door shouting from the other side. I m coming! he called back turning to see Jim had again disappeared.
As soon as he pulled the door open Tony grabbed Jon s upper arm dragging him further into the room. Taking hold of one of the young man s hands he turned it and the arm this way and that to inspect it for cuts all the way up to the shoulder joint. When he was satisfied he took the second hand turning the palm up immediately noticing the small cut on the outside of the wrist.
I knew it Jonathan! He pushed the sleeve up inspecting the rest of Jon s arm. Where s the rest of it? He released the arm and hand then placed his hands on his hips.
Jonathan stood silently watching Tony stare at him long and hard. He took in the man s features as if for the very first time. He was tall. His hair was dark and long which he tied into a ponytail with several thick black elastics at even intervals down his back. The eyes were large dark mysterious almonds surrounded by thick dark lashes and thick trimmed eyebrows. His nose was average and rounded. The lips full and turned up in a wicked grin at the moment. The man s jaw seemed squared. His chin curved gently. The cheeks were high suggesting he be of foreign origin.
His skin was darkly tanned smooth and unblemished. His shoulders broad and strong the arms and chest seemed to be sculpted with muscles. His waist was trim. The man thighs were as thick as Jonathan s waist bulging with strength and power.
You finished undressing me? Tony grinned wryly at Jon.
No actually Jonathan stepped closer took his face in both hands laying one on those fine lips of Tony s.
Right away the man embraced Jon literally surprised by his response. He pulled the young man closer to him strongly keeping him there while every urge he had had for Jon in the past weeks surfaced uninhibited. Becoming lost in the powerful passion Jon was lavishing upon him he couldn t help but return it in like manner.
Heavy breathing soon drifted over the ears of Bruce and Greg who then looked at each other again wondering what the hell had come over Jon suddenly. Then they began to think that maybe they should leave the two alone for a while even though Bruce was already beside himself with need for the young man in Tony s arms
Jon disconnected from Tony s lips to move down over his chin to his throat where he took in a mouthful of flesh biting gradually until Tony finally sucked air through clinched teeth.
Damn baby he grasped the back of Jon s head filling his fist with a handful of the young man s hair. What s gotten into you?
Jonathan chuckled though he felt like a fish out of water being he wasn t used to being the aggressor at all. But he was being very affective at getting his point across so he didn t worry too much about it.
Hey doc Tony said then gasped as Jon had moved to another spot on his neck doing the same as before. Shit he tightened his hand that was still full of Jon s hair producing a moan. Why don t you and Bruce help me do a cavity search? See where he s hiding his razors? A wicked grin played on his lips suggesting much more than just looking for something harmful to the boy.
I think we can accommodate you very well. Greg agreed. Maybe I should call down and ask for my box of gloves.
Oh yeah Tony chuckled. I think he would enjoy the feel of latex up his ass.
Bruce laughed. Now that is wicked guys.
Well I think he deserves it after all the crap he s put us through! Greg protested lightly with a chuckle in his voice.
Well far be it from me to stop the medical profession from its progress. Bruce chimed with a laugh then.
When Greg started for the phone Tony added make sure it s the unlubed kind too Greg.
Bruce laughed again while Greg s mouth suddenly came open in a surprised expression.
Well payback s a bitch! Tony quipped.
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